The Bachelor is absurd. I know that, I get that, I see that—every Monday night at 8pm. But yet, I’ve been looking forward to Monday nights for almost a decade and have no plans of cutting myself off from this vice. Clearly I love the absurdity. And also the wine.
It’s the same thing season after season. Repetitious corny monologues about how love compares to whatever insane activity they’re doing on a date, the same “most dramatic rose ceremony ever,” familiar character archetypes, and always a cast of skinny and attractive contestants who are looking to find a life partner in less than six weeks while on vacation. TOTALLY REAL. And that’s what makes it entertaining; ya just gotta laugh.
Somehow the producers always seem to keep me and a bajillion other women hooked. Women (sometimes also men) who I look up to as intellectual, progressive, funny, and honest admit to liking The Bachelor/ette, despite its stereotypes and predictability. I’m always surprised when I learn someone I respect is a Bachelor fan. Every season, the show gets more and more attention and viewership grows. The most recent stars of the past few seasons have over a million followers each on Instagram. As outlandish as it is, they’re doing something right.
SPOILER ALERT: Don’t continue reading if you haven’t watched this week’s episodes of The Bachelorette (yes, “special two-night event!”). I hate when things are ruined for me, so this is your fair warning to get the heck outta here if you don’t wanna know what happened with Luke, Robby, Chase, and Jordan!
Honestly, this season of The Bachelorette hasn’t been my favorite. I love JoJo, but the girl has no poker face. Every time a guy says he loves her, (all of them have to profess their love by week 2 now apparently), her expressions tell us how the next few minutes are gonna play out. This week with Chase was extra painful to watch. She invites him to the fantasy suite (we all know what goes down there), he opens up, which he already admitted was hard for him, and tells her he loves her. What does she do? She makes that painful “oh shit…” face. NOPE. Denied. She sends him home. Chase put it well when he said, “That’s like, pull your pants down and kick me in the nuts.” Blunt, but accurate.
And can we talk about Luke for a second? All these years I’ve invested in the Bachelor/ette have made me numb to watching breakups play out on TV (ha!), but that one was actually a little bit heartbreaking. I really felt for him (as did all of Bachelor nation); the poor guy was in shock. But, not to worry, it’ll all work out ok for him. They set him up pretty well on Men Tell All last night to be the next Bachelor. Chris Harrison asked him a million questions about whether or not he was ready and open to finding love again, which is either a producer ploy to trick us or code for, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have our next Bachelor but can’t announce it yet because we still have a shocking season of Bachelor in Paradise to air first!”
Down to the final two: Jordan and Robby. I’d been rooting for Luke, so I wasn’t a huge fan of either. Robby sometimes acts a little bit feminine (sorry dude), and Jordan doesn’t seem like he’s into her. It often feels like Jordan is reciting lines; his words lack sincerity, and his body language is screaming that he’s forcing it. Robby impressed me this week, so I’m team Robby since obviously I have to choose a side.
JoJo’s type, completely opposite from her former love, Bachelor Ben Higgins, appears to be the bad boy who loves a good complicated relationship. That being said, I feel like she could go either way. Both guys seemingly have dirty laundry. The previews make us believe she’s going to realize Jordan might not be so into a long-term relationship. However, I could also see that she might not want to give up on what she thinks she has with Jordan, even though Robby is the safer choice. Those tricksy Bachelor producers and editors love to fool us! Who the heck knows; we’ll find out soon enough. And I’ll be there in front of my TV to see all the high drama play out on Monday at 8pm, just as I have for the last 22 seasons (if we’re talking about all Bachelor shows, but who’s counting?). I can’t look away from my favorite guilty pleasure.
Who do you think JoJo should choose and why? No spoilers, please! If The Bachelor isn’t your thing, what other bad TV should I watch?